Less Than A-Muse-ing
ME: Stupid characters!
ISABEL: I really think that's the wrong attitude. If you say mean things about your characters on Twitter, they'll never do what you want them to do.
ME: They won't do what I want them to do anyway. They don't talk to me.
ISABEL: I'm doing the best I can.
ME: It's not your fault. You just aren't a guns-and-smartass type.
ISABEL: See, if you would just let those two fall in love...
ME: No.
ISABEL: Please?
ME: No.
ISABEL: *pouts* I never get to have fun anymore.
ME: Neither do I.
SUPERMOM: Would you stop glaring at me?
ME: I am not glaring at you. I'm aware that it's May.
SUPERMOM: May is my month. We have things to do. This is why we don't do conventions in May.
ME: I'm aware.
SUPERMOM: End of school. Planning summer break. Field Day. Spring cleaning. Orchestra concerts. Cub Scouts graduation. Ramp-up to Relay.
LOIS: To say nothing of actual work.
ME: Certainly saying nothing of it.
LOIS: You're aware that we work this Saturday?
SUPERMOM: Working on the child care.
LOIS: And you're cross-scheduled for a professional meet-and-greet the same time as the boy's guitar lesson on Thursday?
SUPERMOM: Oh no!
ME: We're blowing off the meet-and-greet.
ISABEL: But not the cocktail party on Friday.
SUPERMOM: What about the Great River Rendezvous on Saturday? We were going to take a canoe-paddle lesson with the boy!
LOIS: Work!
SUPERMOM: And don't forget the graduation is the same time as the church picnic on Sunday. After the boy's solo at church.
ME: You see? This is it. This right here. This is why I can't write a fucking thing. You all argue in my head more than my characters do.
ISABEL: It's not our responsibility to make the characters talk.
ME: I know.
ISABEL: So it's really not appropriate to yell at us either.
ME: I'm sorry.
SUPERMOM: It's okay.
LOIS: You would say that.
ME: Has anyone heard from the Muse?
LOIS: My sources tell me nothing.
SUPERMOM: She's not talking to us. I really think she's being childish.
ME: Tell me about it.
ISABEL: You see? You're as bad as she is. You have no people skills.
ME: You're not people.
SUPERMOM: Well, that's un-called for.
ME: You're not people! You're the voices in my head!
SUPERMOM: You need a serious attitude adjustment, young lady.
ME: Your impression of my mother improves daily.
SUPERMOM: Your mother would kick your ass more heartily than I do.
ME: I can hear her laughing now.
ISABEL: If you'd rather be alone in here...
ME: No! I'm sorry.
ISABEL: I'm just saying, this argument is more realistic than the one you wrote for your characters.
ME: Sure. Now if only my demon-fighting posse would argue about when we're going to bake a cake for the Cub Scout picnic.
ISABEL: I really think sarcasm is unnecessary.
SUPERMOM: Especially in May.
ISABEL: I really think that's the wrong attitude. If you say mean things about your characters on Twitter, they'll never do what you want them to do.
ME: They won't do what I want them to do anyway. They don't talk to me.
ISABEL: I'm doing the best I can.
ME: It's not your fault. You just aren't a guns-and-smartass type.
ISABEL: See, if you would just let those two fall in love...
ME: No.
ISABEL: Please?
ME: No.
ISABEL: *pouts* I never get to have fun anymore.
ME: Neither do I.
SUPERMOM: Would you stop glaring at me?
ME: I am not glaring at you. I'm aware that it's May.
SUPERMOM: May is my month. We have things to do. This is why we don't do conventions in May.
ME: I'm aware.
SUPERMOM: End of school. Planning summer break. Field Day. Spring cleaning. Orchestra concerts. Cub Scouts graduation. Ramp-up to Relay.
LOIS: To say nothing of actual work.
ME: Certainly saying nothing of it.
LOIS: You're aware that we work this Saturday?
SUPERMOM: Working on the child care.
LOIS: And you're cross-scheduled for a professional meet-and-greet the same time as the boy's guitar lesson on Thursday?
SUPERMOM: Oh no!
ME: We're blowing off the meet-and-greet.
ISABEL: But not the cocktail party on Friday.
SUPERMOM: What about the Great River Rendezvous on Saturday? We were going to take a canoe-paddle lesson with the boy!
LOIS: Work!
SUPERMOM: And don't forget the graduation is the same time as the church picnic on Sunday. After the boy's solo at church.
ME: You see? This is it. This right here. This is why I can't write a fucking thing. You all argue in my head more than my characters do.
ISABEL: It's not our responsibility to make the characters talk.
ME: I know.
ISABEL: So it's really not appropriate to yell at us either.
ME: I'm sorry.
SUPERMOM: It's okay.
LOIS: You would say that.
ME: Has anyone heard from the Muse?
LOIS: My sources tell me nothing.
SUPERMOM: She's not talking to us. I really think she's being childish.
ME: Tell me about it.
ISABEL: You see? You're as bad as she is. You have no people skills.
ME: You're not people.
SUPERMOM: Well, that's un-called for.
ME: You're not people! You're the voices in my head!
SUPERMOM: You need a serious attitude adjustment, young lady.
ME: Your impression of my mother improves daily.
SUPERMOM: Your mother would kick your ass more heartily than I do.
ME: I can hear her laughing now.
ISABEL: If you'd rather be alone in here...
ME: No! I'm sorry.
ISABEL: I'm just saying, this argument is more realistic than the one you wrote for your characters.
ME: Sure. Now if only my demon-fighting posse would argue about when we're going to bake a cake for the Cub Scout picnic.
ISABEL: I really think sarcasm is unnecessary.
SUPERMOM: Especially in May.
Wow! They are entertaining. You could almost write a book using them. I think you would have to jump into comedy to do that, though.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with all the cross bookings.